The art of letting go
Sometimes you just have to let go.
Now that I’m in my 50s, that can be hard.
When we’re young, we have a certain image of how our lives are going to go.
That rarely works out.
In the movie “Friends With Money,” Frances McDormand’s character has this exchange with her husband.
Jane: I feel there's no more wondering what's it gonna be like.
Aaron: Like what's gonna be like?
Jane: My fabulous life.
When I was in college studying to be a reporter, I would never have guessed that at this point in my life, I would be where I am today: struggling to figure out where I go next. Juggling a lot of not-so-great options and facing a mountain of rejection that seems endless.
It’s not that I thought I would be super successful or famous. But I thought I would be…settled. I am so not settled.
I’ve spent a lot of the last two years learning to be OK with that.
Along the way, I’ve had experiences like my financial advisor asking if it bothered me that I was considering taking a temp job, like working on the phones at Lands’ End, because it meant I wasn’t as successful as other people my age.
Status was never a factor for me in my entire career. But financial stability has been. Stability in general, definitely.
Mostly I’m trying to lean in to the idea that this can be a period of transition for me, instead of an ending. Like the Death card in the tarot deck.
Whatever you’re going through - and if you’re reading this, you’re probably going through some things - I hope you can look at it that way, too.
It’s great when you can take your life and your future at face value, and move forward focusing on the things you can control, the possibilities ahead of you, and letting go of all the things you cannot change.
I’m not trying to write a self-help manifesto here. But isn’t this what this newsletter is about? Figuring out what is out of your control (what jobs are open, hiring managers’ biases, the economy etc.) and what is (your resume, your LinkedIn profile, your answers in an interview), and going from there?
I want to talk about those things that are in our control, and work out the best ways to handle them.
And as for the rest, let it go.
Thanks as always for being here. Next month I will have been writing Mighty Forces for a year. I hope you’re getting some value from what I’m talking about, week to week. Please let me know what you would like to discuss in the future. It would mean a lot to me to know you’re out there.
When I was job hunting, I'd always get attached to whatever job I was applying for — and I'd always remind myself to hope, "May the best thing happen." I try to do that with everything. I was trying to leave a job with a terrible culture, but for all I knew those shiny new jobs out there could have similar issues. In the end, I decided to become a consultant, and that's worked out well (except for making less money, lol). It's an ongoing process to learn to let go.
Have you read the book "Transitions" by William Bridges? He has some good insights on the value of being in a transition period like the one you're in. He writes about all kinds of transitions but is focused mainly on career ones.
Great piece, Adam. Learning to let go can be tough, especially at certain ages. I’ve been there and getting on the other side of the ‘letting go’ is empowering.