Expectations are the silent killer
When I left my last job, I didn’t have a new one lined up.
First mistake, I know.
But as I wrote about in “Starting over,” if I had waited until the perfect situation presented itself, I would have never made a change.
As I was preparing my exit, I found out through a friend about a job with a non-profit that was weirdly perfect for me.
It was in a field that I felt a deep connection to, and I had all the skills necessary to excel in the job.
Soon it was down to me and one or two other people. Their office was about three blocks from my house. I had what I thought was a great Zoom interview with several of the staff.
I thought I had it.
How incredibly lucky I am, I thought, to be finding this great job that I can transition into seamlessly as I leave my current one.
Man plans, God laughs.
I didn’t get it.
Because I was imagining myself in the job, the rejection was that much more devastating. It was like they took something away from me that was meant to be mine. I had it!
I did not have it.
This was possibly the worst way to start my job search: getting rejected for the first position I was being seriously considered for. It set a bad tone for months after that, since I constantly wondered what I was fit for.
If this perfect job isn’t one I can get, what kind of job can I be hired to do?
(Spoiler alert: there is no perfect job.)
I realize now that this was all my fault.
That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but perspective is important.
Moral of the story
In this case, there are two.
1. I was thinking about how the job would benefit me. I was thinking about how perfect the job was for me and my goals.
I should have been thinking about how I could help them reach their goals.
Job hunting, when it comes right down to it, is sales. And the customer doesn’t care about your life, or your goals. They are just trying to solve a problem. That’s harsh, but a crucial concept to emphasize throughout the process.
This is not about you.
2. I got ahead of myself. I had expectations about how things would go, which made me spin out and imagine a future that was not in front of me. I had unrealistic expectations that were based in facts not in evidence. Maybe if I was more living in the present moment, I could have seen more clearly what was going on.
And even if I wouldn’t have done better in the process, the result wouldn’t have sent me into a spiral that affected me for months. I could have dusted myself off and moved on, which would have been a huge benefit in the long run.
Be in the moment, and always consider the needs of the client - your prospective employer - before your own.
Onward and upward.
Oh, I know that feeling!! Definitely had that about a few jobs, especially a job I had an in-person interview for, before covid, and it seemed like they wanted to hire me on the spot. They had even warned me that the job would be 80% writing. And it was in downtown SF, near where a lot of friends worked, so I was already envisioning lunches with them. They ended up ghosting me and I think they never filled the position. So weird.
It's challenging to avoid the expectation trap. As my job search progressed, I tried to tell myself, "May the best thing happen." That's what I try for in general in life, though it's a process and not always easy.
The advice to avoid expectations is so good for job searches — and also applies to all of life!