Zoom job interviews...IN SPAAAACE!

They suck there, too

Nurse Chapel interviews with a Vulcan | Image courtesy of Paramount.

Even in 2259, Zoom job interviews are the worst.

In “Star Trek: Strange New Worlds” Season 2 Episode 5, “Charades,” Nurse Christine Chapel has an interview on the Enterprise for a Vulcan science fellowship. Since I can’t find a video clip of this, here’s a transcript of the two short scenes.

Christine: Hi, I’m Christine. Apologies for the delay.

Vulcan: I read your essay, Miss Chapel, and frankly, I’m not impressed.

Christine: Oh, I’m sorry you didn’t like what I had to say.

Vulcan: Your reproduction of the principles were sloppy, you did not recreate the proper syntax, and your word choice varied too much from the original.

Christine: I was just trying not to repeat them word for word.

Vulcan: Memorization is a core part of this fellowship. You must commit to memory a year’s material to even be considered for my seminar.

Christine: Well, I just thought that maybe my field work would be relevant, given that I’ve made several discoveries.

Vulcan: Field work. Hmm. I will glance at it. That is all.

Christine: What? We’re done?

Vulcan: I have all I need. We will contact you. Good day, Miss Chapel.

and then…

Vulcan: Miss Chapel. I am calling to let you know that we have chosen not to offer you a fellowship. You are welcome to apply again if you decide that is an appropriate use of your time.

Christine: I went to interdimensional space today.

Vulcan: I do not see how that is relevant.

Christine: I encountered a species that hasn’t interacted with humans — or Vulcans — for centuries. I convinced them to help me with an ancient medical procedure.

Vulcan: What sort of medical procedure?

Christine: You can read about it in my paper when it comes out later this year. I would consider applying again, but, you know, the truth is…I don’t think your fellowship is ready for me.

Christine knows her worth. | Image courtesy of Paramount.

So what can we learn from Christine Chapel’s experience?

1. Be on time. As the great Mike Birbiglia said, “Early lasts for hours. On-time just lasts a second. Then you’re late forever.”

2. Customize your materials. Always. That Vulcan was being a dick, but you should always repeat relevant terms from the job listing in your cover letter and resume.

3. Vulcans make the ultimate HR employees. Rigid rule followers who brook no variation from the company handbook.

4. Attitude is everything. Christine doesn’t let the dour Vulcan knock her off her stride, at any point. “I’m sorry you didn’t like what I had to say” is an amazing quote.

5. Lead with your value. Christine rightly points out her extensive field work, even if the Vulcan hasn’t taken the time to look at her experience.

6. Play to your audience. Her positivity is usually an asset, but Christine could have at least tried to be a bit more Vulcan in her presentation. Spock could help with that.

7. Know your worth. As tough as it is, don’t let anyone get you down. That’s why her last line, “I don’t think your fellowship is ready for me” is so brilliant.

8. Vulcans can do sarcasm. “You are welcome to apply again if you decide that is an appropriate use of your time” is [chef’s kiss]. Even if he was, as previously noted, being a dick.

This week is an example of how you can find inspiration anywhere. If you haven’t watched “Strange New Worlds,” especially if you have liked any other Star Trek variation, I recommend it highly.

Next week, my plan is to write a second article on using A.I. to help in your job search. You won’t want to miss it.

See you next week.

-Adam.