Sometimes life comes full circle

This week, another story from my upcoming book. Carin is a dear friend and someone whose courage and heart inspires me. Her story is a fascinating one and I’m so grateful I have the chance to share it.

---

When Carin Bringelson was in junior high school, her mother became a United Methodist minister.

As a teenager watching her mom work unusual hours, Bringelson declared that she would never follow in her mother’s footsteps.

“It showed me how hard ministers work. And I was never going to work that hard. That’s just ridiculous. Why would I work on the weekends and holidays? I don’t want that kind of job,” she said.

Now, decades later, she is on her second assignment as a Unitarian Universalist minister.

Sometimes life comes full circle, despite our best efforts.

Unsure of the path ahead

When Bringelson was in college, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life. One reason she chose Grinnell College in Iowa was because they had a sign language club. While other students took breaks from studying, she took breaks from extracurricular activities to study.

She majored in sociology, and spent a semester at Howard University in Washington, D.C. focused on what was then called “Afro-American Studies.”

“That was a huge culture shock and a huge learning experience for me,” she said.

After college, she went back to D.C. working first in a homeless shelter and then in a junior high school. Quite an adjustment for a girl who grew up in Nebraska.

“It was pretty hard when my kids would get killed,” she said. “And sometimes it felt like if they didn’t get killed, they got pregnant.”

Still not sure where her life was leading her, Bringelson decided to go back to school.

“The joke in my family is that if you don’t know what to do, go back to school,” she said. “Because it looks like you know what you’re doing.”

Bringelson came “sight unseen” to the University of Wisconsin-Madison for an Educational Policy Studies master’s degree. It was close enough to her parents that she could drive back to visit instead of fly, and Madison reminded her of her hometown.

While in Madison, she got majorly involved with a denomination she had first encountered in high school: Unitarian Universalism. And she met Bev, the woman who would become her wife.

The policy studies degree usually means going on to a doctorate, and then teaching. But that wasn’t what she wanted.

While in grad school, she worked at an organization called Dreamweavers, which provided services to adults with developmental disabilities. It was fulfilling work, but things still didn’t feel right.

Back to school - again

Her wife’s best friend was a librarian, and encouraged Bringelson to go to library school. So back to school she went, graduating with a Library & Information Studies degree from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 2004.

In her first library class, she learned about intellectual freedom, a concept that has guided her life in the decades since then. “I had no idea what that term meant. But I liked the two words alone, so I thought, together they would be even better,” she said.

That led her to more than a decade working at TeachingBooks, an online database of reading resources for teachers. There she could combine her interests in intellectual freedom, social justice, and how access to books could improve the lives of children and their families.

Books, especially children’s books, can provide both windows and mirrors, she said. Windows into new experiences and cultures, and mirrors so children can see themselves and why their lives matter.

Changes came to TeachingBooks, and the company’s founder decided to manage the company from California for the next phase of his life. That got Bringelson thinking.

“If he is living his dream life, then maybe I should figure out what I want, too,” she said.

She was still adamant that she didn’t want to become a minister, based on her mother’s experience. She enjoyed the stable schedule and benefits of her office job, and loved the people she worked with. But there was still something missing.

“I thought, ‘I don’t know what I want to do. So I think I’ll just go to the seminary to listen.’” she said.

Answering the call

The call was strong enough that she gave up her 9-5 secure existence to become a seminary student at Meadville Lombard Theological School in Chicago. “I got to seminary, and everything just fit,” she said.

There were struggles becoming a student again after more than a decade away from the classroom. But the struggles weren’t about the day-to-day of being a student - this was her third graduate degree, after all.

“I’m not a stranger to classes, to writing, to thinking. I’m not a stranger to organizing my life around a semester,” she said.

The struggles were about bringing her emotional intelligence to the task, not just her intellect.

“It wasn’t just, could I remember facts about the history of Unitarian Universalism,” she said. “It was, can I hear what’s being said without the words that another person is offering.”

Technology was different - there were online portals to submit papers, and small group discussions on Zoom. But those were just the trappings.

For her, being an older student meant casting aside the expectations and fears she might have felt as a younger person, and just being true to herself.

“Being this age lets us let go of the things that are less important,” she said.

Bringelson celebrated her 55th birthday this month.

“We can be worried about what people will think about us. We can be worried that we will fail. Or we can just say, of course I’m going to mess up. That’s how we learn! And I will just try not to mess up in that same way again.”

Coming full circle

What about not wanting to be a minister, something she was sure of since she was in junior high school?

“We are in a moment where the world needs me in a different way. Saying that I’m not going to share my skills and gifts because I’m selfish and didn’t want to get tired? It’s my turn to take this baton,” she said. “I don’t have to run with it forever. But it’s my turn.”

Most important, she said, is to take opportunities where they present themselves, even if they are hard, even if they feel insurmountable. That’s what makes our lives meaningful.

“If we let our fears speak louder than our lives, that’s not a legacy I want to leave.”

---

Are you enjoying these stories? They are the core of what I want my book to be — journeys of older people creating a new life for themselves by becoming a student again. If you know anyone who fits that description — or that’s you — let me know, either by leaving a comment or replying to this email. Thanks.

See you next week.