Rejecting rejection

Taking back control of your job search

In the last 18 months since I left my job, I have faced more rejection than I have the entire rest of my life combined.

Hopefully this is an extreme example. But rejection is a necessary evil when you’re looking for a job. And it can chip away at your confidence and sense of self until you wonder what’s left.

I have been there.

Here are some ideas that have helped me deal with the crushing weight of this rejection factory. I hope they can help you too. It’s easy to feel a loss of control when you’re job hunting. I want you to take that control back.

• None of this is personal.
  I have written about this before. But it bears repeating that these potential employers are not attacking you. They don’t even know you! All they know is that they have a problem that they need to solve. And they are doing their best sifting through the candidates. If they are rejecting you, it’s just part of a process that is by definition flawed and unknowable.

• Job hunting isn’t dating.
  You’re not putting your profile on OkCupid hoping that someone will connect with you on a spiritual level. This is more like looking for a plumber by searching online. Does a plumber feel rejected if you choose someone else? No. And neither should you, just because you receive a canned rejection email from a job application. It’s just a business transaction, something that happens thousands of times a day.

• You are evaluating them.
  Don’t forget that you are the one who has the skills they need. Make sure you understand that power. As much as they are judging you, you should be judging them as well. Is the culture a fit? Do you respond to the mission of the company? How have they treated you in this process? They are auditioning for you. Never forget that.

• It’s a process.
  One of the biggest mistakes you can make in job hunting is putting too much emphasis on any one job. If you convince yourself that “this one is it,” if you don’t get it, it will be devastating. That happened to me when I first left my last job. I was one of a handful of candidates for a job I thought was absolutely perfect for me. I began to think I had it in the bag. When I got turned down, it was crushing. Look at each application as just one step on a journey, and an opportunity to adjust and course correct for the next one.

• Move on.
  Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. This is a tough process. Find people you can bounce ideas off of; people you can vent to so you can take some pressure off. And realize that every job you don’t get means you might have dodged a bullet - for every missed opportunity, you could also have avoided a disaster taking a job that wasn’t right for you.

Rejection is the cost of doing business when you’re looking for a job. So I’ll end with a quote from writer David Barr Kirtley:

Wanting to be a writer and not wanting to be rejected is like wanting to be a boxer and not wanting to get punched.

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Do you have any memorable experiences with rejection and how you handled it? I would love to know your stories, and I’m sure everyone else would too. We’re all in this together. Please leave a comment telling your story. Thanks.