Adventures in customer service
Is the customer always right?
A couple of months ago, I took a side job taking orders on the phones at Lands’ End. This is my second time in this same job, although things have changed a lot in the years in between. I thought it would be fun to reprint a Medium story I wrote about my first go-round with customer service in the pre-internet mid-90s.
When I moved back to Wisconsin from Michigan, while I was looking for a “real job” I took what I thought was a temp position working on the phones taking orders at Lands’ End, a catalog clothing retailer based in Dodgeville.
Little did I know that working the phones was going to be my “real job” for much longer than I expected.
Thing was, I actually enjoyed it. I could go to work, put on my headset, talk to people, and then at the end of the day, take off the headset and not think about it until the next day. It was almost a zen experience.
This was the opposite of my job as a newspaper reporter, which pretty much dominated my physical and mental life. It was nice to do something low stakes that I was good at.
And I was good at it. I always got stellar performance ratings.
I think everyone should have a customer service job at some point in their career. It teaches you a lot about problem solving and how to deal with difficult people. Because while the majority of people were nice and just wanted to put in their order and get off the line, there were always going to be…challenging people.
The people who didn’t consider their order at Lands’ End to be low-stakes. At all. The people who would say things to a stranger on the phone that they would never say to that same stranger across a physical sales counter. And the people who just wanted to game the system in any way they could. At least back then, Lands’ End had a policy that any item could be returned for any reason. Which led to some shenanigans, as you might expect.
These are some of my most memorable interactions while I worked on the phones at Lands’ End.
“I would like to get one of your children’s catalogs please.”
“Wonderful! Lands’ End has fantastic children’s clothes.”
“That’s what I hear. Also, is it true that you can return anything at any time for any reason?”
“Yes, that’s our policy.”
“So, if he gets grape juice on something, I can return it, then, right?”
[suppressing rage caused by this being the first question a customer asks before she even has seen a catalog, much less placed an order]
“If you feel that you should return an item you’ve purchased from Lands’ End, then yes, that is our policy.”
“Great. Because he’s always making a mess of his clothes. This way if he ruins them, I can just return them!”
“I have a Lands’ End briefcase and it has the incorrect monogram on it.”
“I’m sorry about that. What is the problem with the monogram?”
[often people thought a monogram was done wrong because they didn’t realize that the last initial went in the middle in a traditional monogram design]
“Well, I’m divorced now, so the monogram is wrong.”
“But you purchased the briefcase when you had different initials?”
“Yes, but now it’s wrong! Can I return it?”
[suppressing rage because she wants to return a two-year-old item that is only ‘wrong’ because she changed her own name]
“Our policy is that you can return any item for any reason, yes. So if you feel you need to return an item, then yes, you can do that.”
“I’m calling because I have a robe that I would like to return.”
“Sure. What’s the problem with the robe?”
“Well, it’s burned.”
“Burned? You received a damaged item?”
“Well, no. I was cooking breakfast one morning and the edge of the robe brushed over the lighted stove burner. The whole right edge of the robe is burned. I’m OK though.”
“I’m so sorry!”
“So I can return the robe, right?”
[suppressing rage because hey, I would like to set all my old clothes on fire and then return them for a full refund, lady, but I don’t because I am a normal human being with a working conscience]
“Our policy is that you can return any item for any reason, yes. So if you feel you need to return an item, then yes, you can do that.”
“I’m looking at your catalog, and you have a lot of leggings in a lot of different colors.”
“Yes, we have a great selection of that sort of item.”
“I’m just not sure about some of these colors.”
[five minute discussion of all the sometimes opaque names for our different colors, and how they differ from each other, how light or dark they are, etc.]
“Does that help?”
“Well a little bit, I guess. I just can’t decide which color to get.”
[uncomfortable silence]
“So what are you thinking?”
“I just don’t know.”
“Well I can’t place the order unless I know the color you want.”
“I don’t know!….I’m a nun. So which color is the best?”
[trying to process what being a nun has to do with her color selection, and failing]
“The best? I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Which color would be the best for me?”
“I really don’t know, ma’am.”
[another uncomfortable silence, then realizing if I don’t take the reins of this situation, we will be here until the sun burns out]
“….How about the maroon?”
“Yes, let’s go with that.”
I worked at Lands’ End for about a year. Eventually I moved on to a job in communications at the state teachers’ union, which was perhaps a better fit for my talents and experience. But I can at least take comfort that somewhere, I hope, there is a nun who really enjoys her leggings.
Hearing from you
What side jobs have you taken while you were trying to get a “real” job?
See you next week!
<What side jobs have you taken while you were trying to get a “real” job?>
Thanks for jogging my memory. Fifteen years ago, I was the discussion board moderator for The Daily Show (Jon Stewart) and The Colbert Report. WORST. JOB. EVER. I'll post about this next week.
Look for it next week on my substack -- Lessons learned and all that. ;)